When it comes to my needs, I am a man with somewhat baser instincts. I can make due with relatively little. This is a slight oversimplification but most of my needs fall into four categories:
- Sustenance – Food, clothing, and a home.
- Social – Time with immediate family and time away with my male friends.
- Provision – The driving force behind my life and everything I do is to provide for my wife and children. Being the provider is a big need for most men.
- Intimacy – My wife is the most important person in my world. She has been my closest friend since high school. To be around her and to spend time with her is not just a desire but a need.
If you were to ask me, the most important of my needs is physical intimacy. If the need is not met, I can be affected in many aspects of my life. Why? The simple answer is that men find emotional fulfillment in sex. Janessa (my wife) can probably tell you that when I am “well-sexed”, I am more sensitive and emotionally available. This is not to say that my sensitivity to Janessa should hinge on this by any means, but I would be dishonest to say that I am not affected emotionally by our sex life.
Many wives wrongly assume that their husband only wants sex for his own personal pleasure, but the real truth is that men need sex because we want to feel wanted. Sex communicates love and desire while a lack of sex communicates quite the opposite. Being rejected in the bedroom is as hard on men as it would be for a woman to hear her husband say “I don’t feel like listening to you tonight” when she needed a shoulder to cry on. It is crushing to the self esteem of a man to be told “no”. I can’t speak for all men, but when Janessa and I make love, my entire emotional outlook becomes far more positive!
Another big deal for husbands is when their wives initiate sex. Men want to feel sexually desired by their wives! When our wives initiate sex, it says that you enjoy sex and that we satisfy you. The sexual satisfaction of our wives is a huge deal to men and a lot of male self-worth hinges on being a good provider both monetarily and (especially) sexually.