I’m currently 15 weeks pregnant with my 4th child. Each pregnancy seems to go faster than the last and I know that in the blink of an eye, the big day will arrive and this baby will be born. Labor and delivery has certainly gotten a bad reputation! Most of my friends won’t even consider going all-natural, much less having a home birth the way that I do, however I’m a firm believer that labor and delivery can be an amazing, life changing experience that shouldn’t be dulled by epidurals and other pain medication.
Now, hear me out – I’m not trying to vilify you if you’ve chosen to use an epidural or other forms of pain medication for your birth. But, what I am trying to tell you, is that if you’re choosing the drugs out of fear of the pain, you could be robbing yourself of something that is truly amazing beyond words. Some experiences are worth the pain and discomfort, and I think birth is one of those.
When you have a medicated birth, you are relying on those medications to get you through. There are so many aspects of natural childbirth that I love, but today I want to talk about how I’ve seen it strengthen my marriage time and time again because I turn to my husband and rely on him to help me make it through.
Knowing that I wanted an unmedicated birth, one of the first things I did when I found out I was expecting my first was to enroll my husband and myself into Bradley Childbirth Classes. The Bradley method focuses on living a healthy lifestyle while pregnant, having a natural, unmedicated, low intervention (if any) birthing experience, and utilizing a birthing coach. For most moms, the coach will be her husband or the father of the child.
My husband has always taken his role as the coach pretty seriously. When I go into labor, he is there at my side, ready and willing to help me with anything I might need or want. Whether it’s a drink of water, assistance to make it to the bathroom, an encouraging word, or a hand to squeeze, he’s there. In fact, when I squeezed his fingers together so hard he thought they might break, he kept quiet and instead thought about the extent of pain I must be experiencing in that moment. (He did however, tell me later that he quietly removed his wedding band when that contraction ended, because it was digging into his fingers, causing excruciating pain.)
My first labor, which is notoriously the longest, was slightly less than 12 hours from start to finish. Until you’ve gone through labor, you really don’t know what you’re getting yourself into. My water broke to start labor (before I’d ever even had a real contraction). I was still at 0 centimeters, which meant I had a while to go without my water there to cushion things as the baby moved down. Each new contraction was a wave that rocked my body. I remember vividly the moment my midwife checked my progress and told me I was only at a 5. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know how I’d make it to 10cm. It felt like I’d been in labor for an eternity already. Labor truly was/is tough. It’s uncomfortable.
When I would feel like I couldn’t go on any more, there was my husband, giving me the confidence I needed to get through the next contraction. I lean on him for everything through labor – everything. He is my rock. The love and the concern in his eyes is a reassurance that, yes, whatever life throws our way, we will hold hands and we will make it through it together, as a team. He might not be experiencing the same pains that I am, but his entire focus is on being there for me and it’s clear he’d take the pain from me if he could. When the time arrives to push the baby into the world, there he is with a huge smile on his face and telling me “she’s almost out honey….you’ve got this….she’s coming!”
I can’t fully describe it, but when labor has ended and I have that baby in my arms, not only does my heart overflow with love for my newborn, but also for my husband. It’s in those moments, after I’ve gone through one of the hardest moments of my life, that I feel the closest to him and am reminded of the depths of his love for me. We do it together, as a team, and it’s an amazing experience!
Danielle Dodge
Tuesday 19th of November 2019
This was such an encouraging and beautiful post to read! We are hoping for a similar style birth and I love the idea of my husband being able to be as big of a part as possible.
Sophia Wells
Friday 3rd of August 2018
Thank you so much for this post. My husband and I had a pretty big fight about this very topic. He was showing me some research which said that the drugs the doctors use are usually the cause of birth complications and C-Sections. I didn't want to hear of not using drugs because I was scared of how much pain I'd be in.
You definitely put this whole topic in a new light and perspective. One of the things my husband mentioned to me was how worried he was that he was going to be pushed aside during the whole pregnancy and birth because he's a man and he can never fully understand what I'm going through.
As you said in your post, My husband is my rock as well. I definitely rather rely on him for comfort and support than any drug.
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. So beautiful. Thank you!
Janessa
Sunday 12th of August 2018
You're so welcome! I just gave birth to my 5th baby at home, drug free. It was my hardest birth so far (you can read about it here: https://thriftyniftymommy.com/arams-birth-story/) but, just like with my other births, my husband was my rock and encouraged me the whole way through. I tend to agree with your husband that all of the drugs given and interventions have largely contributed to birth complications and c-section rates. Yes, birth can be painful and rather uncomfortable, but if you take each contraction one at a time you can get through it! I highly recommend the Bradley Method as a way to prepare for husband-coached and natural childbirth.
Stephanie Phelps
Friday 31st of July 2015
I felt closer to both the baby and my husband going through it naturally!
Shaina Braun
Wednesday 22nd of July 2015
This is such a great post and I can't wait to follow you through your journey. Hubby and I had all intentions on having a very natural childbirth and took all the prep courses! Unfortunately our little guy was two weeks late and his breathing started showing an irregular pattern so they quickly induced me in order to get things moving along. Luckily hubby was extremely supportive and told the doctors "yes of course just do what you need to do to get him out". Just hours later he was born and after a few minutes with assistance from the nurses he started breathing okay thank goodness. I would have loved to go without inducing but as soon as we learned he wasn't breathing right we just wanted him out! We are hoping things go a bit smoother for baby #2. Great post and very inspirational!
Jennifer
Tuesday 21st of July 2015
100% agree that natural birth can strengthen a marriage. I had two natural births, one that my husband actually delivered the baby because we didn't make it to the hospital. Both births were beautiful, amazing moments. I hardly remember the pain, just the strength and closeness I feel. Great, honest post!