After experiencing my own miscarriage loss, it’s my desire to be able to help other mothers dealing with pregnancy loss. I want you to know that you’re not alone. You can read about my baby Quinn here and also read the details of my natural miscarriage at home here.
Miscarriage Stories
Other brave mothers have come forward to share their stories of miscarriage and stillbirth. Below are their stories. I’d like to thank them for being willing to share with everyone.
Kristin W.’s Miscarriage Story (about 5-6 weeks gestation)
The following is Kristin’s account of her early miscarriage loss.
I currently have an almost 6-year-old boy. When I was pregnant with him about 5 weeks I woke up bleeding. I was a teenager (17) and didn’t know what that was. I went to the doctors and they saw 2 sacs but nothing in them. 2 weeks later I bled again (still wasn’t due for a scan) and headed to the ER. They saw the beginning of a baby moving in there. I had no other complications.
Fast forward about 4 years I ended up pregnant again. I was so excited for my son to have a sibling. I told everyone as soon as I found out right after I missed my period and got a positive test. I was just happy and I scheduled my doctors appointment for when we would return from vacation.
When we left on vacation the first day I had some brown blood. I was hoping it was maybe just some old blood. The next day I was filling up a pad but not in any pain. I called the doctor and they said since I wasn’t experiencing pain and not filling up so many pads within an hour I was fine and to still come to my appointment. Over the week on vacation, I still bled and I felt less pregnant. The soreness in my boobs went away. Every day I took a pregnancy test from the dollar store and saw the like get fainter and fainter. I knew I miscarried my baby but my husband told me I was just overreacting.
I went to my appointment and the doctor came in and she said the test was negative and that my body did what it had to do. That is all she left me with. I was in tears because I knew I had miscarried but I didn’t want to believe it and she confirmed I did. My heart was broken and even worse, I had to call and tell everyone that I was no longer pregnant.
It’s been 2 years and it still makes me emotional. I try not to think about the baby but it’s just so hard. A lot of people privately messaged me talking about their miscarriages. I realized not very many women talk about them. It seems like it’s taboo?
I went through a lot of feelings and emotions. Why was my body not good enough to carry this baby? What did I do wrong? Maybe I drank too much caffeine. Maybe I slept wrong on my stomach and killed it. Crazy things but I still thought them.
My mom told me, well it would’ve probably had something wrong with it. Wouldn’t you rather it die now without you becoming attached to it and it dying later? I couldn’t blame her for being very unsympathetic since she has never had this happen to her. But I would’ve still loved that baby.
Everyone also said it happens for a reason. That did not make me feel any better and just made me not want to talk about it. They said the pain with the loss gets easier, but I don’t think it does. I will always be sad for the baby I lost and it’s okay to be sad.
Michelle S.’s Miscarriage Story
The following is Michelle S.’s account of her miscarriage.
My story is probably different than others slightly.
My husband and I had been trying to have a baby (number 3) for about a year with no luck. Our marriage got kind of rocky and it seemed like we were constantly fighting so we decided that we were going to take a step back and I was going to go back on birth control so we could focus on fixing what we have before we change it.
I made an appointment with my doctor and went in to get my first round of the depo shot. As standard practice, the nurse gave me a pregnancy test before administering my shot. After a moment she turned and explained to me that she could not proceed with the shot as planned because I was pregnant. Before leaving I stopped at registration and made an appointment for 3 weeks out.
I never even got to go to that appointment.
A week and a half after finding out about my pregnancy I began bleeding. I ended up going to the ER to get checked out. They did an internal ultrasound and told me that my baby’s size and heartbeat were normal and discharged me saying that I was likely experiencing first trimester bleeding. I was scheduled for a follow-up a few days later and sent home.
The next day while in the bathroom I passed a large amount of blood along with a semi-solid clump. I broke down on the bathroom floor. I knew this was my baby. At my follow up my miscarriage was confirmed.
In the span of about 3 weeks I had gone from deciding not to have a baby to being pregnant to losing a baby. I was a mess for months. Still am to an extent.
Within a month of losing my baby, my sister announced her pregnancy. I admittedly got angry and couldn’t muster up any happiness for her. I wish I could have but at the time I didn’t have it in me. Every once in a while (especially when my niece hits a milestone) I think about how my little one would be about the same age and it still hurts.
Sarah H.’s Miscarriage Story (between 5-6 weeks gestation)
The following is Sarah’s account of her miscarriage.
So, it’s hard to even compare what I went through to so many other women but I too found myself relentlessly googling for help here is my short story-
So a week before my period started I knew I was pregnant. I felt it even though it sounds odd I just knew. I waited as long as I could and I took a test and it was positive! I was so excited I told my two best friends and my husband right away.
A few days later I took the stairs and when I reached the top I felt wetness in my underwear and went to the restroom and found a little blood. It was brownish in color so I didn’t immediately panic. A few days later the blood started again and I was so worried I went to the ER because I thought maybe I needed a rogham shot (sp?) as I did with my first and that would fix the problem.
Just wishful thinking.
They did an hcg level testing and they said it was reading as positive for pregnancy but they would not do anything to stop the bleeding as I expected and to follow up with my doctor.
For the next few days, I had to continuously have my levels checked as I bled similar to a period. Going up meant the pregnancy was holding, going down meant miscarriage. I had no extra clots, no heavy bleeding or cramps, just light red and pink blood similar to a light period.
My HCG levels were all over the place. They would go up one day and then down the next until finally, they tapered off to a level that indicated not pregnant.
And that was that.
I wasn’t far enough along to even have any clots at that point but I was so distraught after being so elated that I continuously researched for miracle stories.
I think because it was so anticlimactic it was so hard to believe. I saw stories of HCG levels dropping then going back up to normal levels. I saw people being told they miscarried and then they got an ultrasound to make sure everything was ok to proceed to try again and miraculously they were still pregnant.
There were so many good outcomes I just had such a hard time letting go. I just knew this baby was going to make it and be a shocking surprise, a miracle story. My final doctors appointment put all my hopes to rest and I was told to wait 3 months before trying again.
(2.5 months later I was pregnant and carried to term and now have a beautiful 2-year-old boy. )
I feel like a loss at this stage is strange. I was thankful that I wasn’t further along. I felt guilty for being thankful. I was sad that I hadn’t even told my parents or anyone besides 3 people that I was pregnant. I was even sadder to inform my family that I had been pregnant for a few weeks and miscarried.
I felt conflicted about telling my friends who had lost babies months into their pregnancy, fearful that they wouldn’t think my loss compared to theirs because I had that feeling too! Then came more guilt for not giving the tiniest of life inside of me the proper respect… it was a continuous cycle for a few weeks until I had finally grieved and decided to begin again.
I didn’t have a chance to accept that it was real before I found out it was gone.
Callie G.’s Miscarriage Story
The following is Callie G.’s miscarriage story.
I suffered a miscarriage. I lost my baby. Well, I didn’t lose it… But it lost its life. I know exactly where my baby is – It’s not growing in my belly anymore. Just like any other experience, it’s personal. All women are involved in the same (or at least similar) processes when it comes to creating tiny humans – but it’s all individually different, and that also goes for the death of those tiny humans – for those who are plagued by it.
Medically there’s a lot I knew about a spontaneous abortion. On paper it was simple; it happens for one reason or another medically, simple as that. I wasn’t unfamiliar with the unfortunate event, while many people I knew had experienced it, and I had studied it. It was something I thought I knew all about. I quickly found out I knew absolutely nothing about it; I knew nothing of the good, the bad, or the ugly.
The Ugly
Miscarriage is messy. It is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually messy. For the week before I lost the baby I bled. I bled from a subchorionic hematoma. A blood clot in my uterus. The baby was fine though. I started bleeding and started crying – convinced it was over for my growing bean.
The ultrasound showed a heartbeat. Phew. My hopes were high again for my fighter. I continued to bleed. I messed up two sheet sets, 4 pairs of pants, 6 pairs of underwear, and two packs of pads. It was messy. Emotionally I was up – my baby was okay!
Then I was down – really down – my baby was dead. I was also angry, relieved, sad, guilty, okay, not okay. I’m a mess – I don’t know when my emotions will stop being messy. Mentally – I’m a mess. You probably shouldn’t cross me negatively, or hug me – both will end in a mental breakdown. Spiritually – I’m a hot mess.
I am angry at God. I’m grateful for his trust in me. I’m hurt by his choice. I’m confused by his decision. He’s heard it all from me these last few days, and I don’t know when that will stop either.
One thing I knew nothing about with regards to miscarriage is the ‘After’. The Doctor tells you what to expect when you pass the pregnancy, and what to watch for with complications, etc. But no one tells you what to do next.
I’m sure as hell not going to flush my baby down the toilet like a goldfish. I don’t have the funds to cremate it, or give it a funeral service. Do I name the baby? I have to name the baby. What do I name the baby? Where do I bury the baby? Do I tell people my baby is buried in such and such a place? Do I keep that to myself?
It’s an ugly process caring for someone who does – especially when that person is so small and insignificant to so many but means so much to you.
The Bad
Everyone knows that a miscarriage is sad. Any death is sad. I NEVER in a million years expected the range of emotions that I have experienced as of late. The roller coaster of emotions has been by far the hardest part of this.
I am first and foremost heartbroken. My child died. They are no longer growing and thriving inside of me. I am angry – why has this happened to me? What have I done to deserve this? I am confused – again with the why.
My baby just had a heartbeat literally two days ago when I last saw it! I am relieved – I was in so much physical pain, which mostly subsided shortly after I passed the pregnancy. I am proud. God chose ME to carry one of his angels. God chose my baby, my perfect baby was so perfect that it was able to skip this world and go straight to live with the Heavenly Father.
I never expected to be so frustrated at the phrase “How are you?”. If someone told me they were annoyed at people asking them that question I would likely think they were being rude and ungrateful.
On one hand, I get it. I mean there isn’t much else to say to someone who’s going through a hard time. But on the other hand, come on. It’s blatantly obvious how I am doing.
Another awful thing I’ve had trouble dealing with is how life keeps going. My world has crashed to a halt, seemingly collapsing around me. And everyone else’s – keeps on trucking along.
How is that person going to the movies?? My baby just died! How are you complaining about the line at the grocery store?? My baby just DIED. To those who don’t know you, or do, their life keeps going. It doesn’t mean that those people aren’t sad and heartbroken too but everyone’s life can’t stop. And that’s really hard for me.
One more thing I’m frustrated about people saying – but you have Mikey, aren’t you happy about that? Of course, I’m happy I have him. He’s the light of my life. I love him in a way I could never have imagined.
Of course, I’m so very grateful that I have been blessed with him, and of course, I’ll squeeze him a little tighter tonight, but does that mean I’m not allowed to mourn the loss of another child? I’m not allowed to love another baby too? And feel awful for myself that I don’t get to squeeze that one just as tightly?
The Good
I am so lucky to have been blessed with my son, Mikey. I was given the gift of a child first, before I suffered this loss. Many are not that lucky and I’ll never be ungrateful for that.
I was also blessed with the care and creation of a second beautiful soul. I was the mother lucky enough to carry that baby their entire life and I will spend every second of the rest of mine loving them for that.
The only love stronger than a Mother’s Love is the Heavenly Father’s love. Those two emotions are the only thing my baby has ever known – and that will never change. How amazing is that??
My child was never exposed to the pain, cold, fear, or hurt that this earthly world provides. The comfort that this alone provides is overwhelming. Their soul was spared from evil – and they will forever remain pure and perfect; my perfect child, who was too perfect for this world, is now an angel.
Today the sun broke through the clouds and I felt warm… I cried because I’m incredibly sad I can’t give my little squish that warmth back in the form of a hug or a kiss, but I smiled knowing I didn’t have to, because they knew I would if I could.
Listen to me, you islands; Hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the Lord called me; From my mother’s womb. He has spoken my name. Isaiah 49:1
Christina F.’s Miscarriage Story (12 weeks gestation)
The following is Christina F.’s miscarriage story in her own words.
I experienced my own a while ago but remember it like yesterday.
I was 12 weeks along when I started bleeding. It wasn’t very heavy but enough to make me go to the Dr. He did blood work and was going to make me wait 3 days for the results. Three days to see if my first baby was going to make it.
My friend who was with me at the time yelled and advocated for me. He eventually listened and had my results fast-tracked. I found out within a few hours that I had lost the baby, all my levels had declined drastically. He simply said sorry and it will pass on its own. Zero what to expect and zero real empathy.
So for the next week, I just waited, the bleeding had stopped and then about 7 days later I began bleeding really badly. I went to the hospital where they too sent me home and said it’s part of the process. The next day I began to experience the worst cramps I’d ever experienced up until that point (like contractions but constant).
I was throwing up and just got really sick. Eventually, my husband and my mom forced me to go back to the hospital where I had just left the day before. I didn’t want to go I was screaming they’d just send me home.
My mom decided to take me to a different hospital. I was taken in almost immediately where I was told I would need a D and C because the fetus wasn’t leaving on it’s own and causing an infection. After the D and C I felt so much better. I was on antibiotics for the week and then I had to cope with the emotional aspect. It was really tough and I wish it on no one. I think the emotional part is worse than the physical part.
Lisa M.’s Miscarriage Story
The following is Lisa M.’s Miscarriage Story in her own words.
Hi my name is Lisa…I am 40 years old and have had 3 miscarriages.
My first miscarriage was my second pregnancy. We found out at 7 weeks things were not progressing like they should. At 9 weeks we knew it was going to happen…It finally happened at 11 weeks. I had horrible cramping and felt miserable. We were told that it was a blighted ovum…Where the egg didn’t fertilize…as my midwife put it in terms of a chicken the egg was empty.
We conceived 2 months later and I had a healthy pregnancy. We waited until our second child was 1 before we started trying..trying for us didn’t come easy…It took us over a year to conceive the 4th pregnancy…I miscarried about a week after finding out. I never went in for this one…I couldn’t..That was in April of 2012.
In June of 2012, we conceived again at 6 weeks I started spotting..went in started blood work…I miscarried on July 12, 2012…Because I was over 35 they watched me carefully…I was doing blood draws weekly to make sure my levels went down to normal…Well, being married of course I had sex with my husband 2 weeks after the miscarriage…
We found out in August of 2012 that our 3rd child was on the way! His pregnancy was more difficult due to the miscarriages but I wouldn’t change it for the world…I now have 3 children ages 4,7.5 and 12.
If you would be willing to share your story with my readers, please email me at thriftyniftymommy@yahoo.com.