One Week Post Reunification Foster Care Update

Did You Know: Foster Parents Don’t Get Burned Out From The Kids

Nope. It’s not the kids. We quit 7 years ago because of the system. When we relicensed in February 2024, it was for the kids. Because truth be told, we were terrified of the system.

We were not ready to beg for support and be ignored… again.

Not ready to report serious concerns and be dismissed… again.

We were not ready to show up in court and realize no one read the file… again.

Not ready to send emails no one answers… again.

We were not ready to love a child like our own and be treated like we do not matter… again.

And yet, here we are.

***If you missed my previous update, check out my post on The Final Week: They Go Back.

Foster parents can be pro-reunification and still not be okay with reunification that isn’t safe… yet the county pushes it to happen. We can believe in second chances and still say, the cost to these children is not okay. We can want families restored and, yet, still recognize when the damage is too deep or the change never came; or came too late. We can pray for bio parents, the children, and our own families; loving everyone with our whole heart and still cry angry tears after visits leave kids dysregulated and the entire family in a downward spiral.

Our foster kiddos left on July 21st for a ‘trial home reunification’. At least that’s what the county calls it. What it really is, especially in this case, is a chance for them to try to catch bio parent in all the lies an unsafe practices. The lies they claim they know are being told and all the concerns they have, yet don’t have enough proof for. HOW it’s okay to put the kids in the middle of this ‘game’ they’re playing….. I’ll never understand.

Post Reunification: The Foster Kiddos

Honestly, I haven’t heard a single update on the kids. I truly know nothing about their current state. I don’t know if they’re adjusting well or crying for the only stable family they’ve truly ever known.

What I do know is that the older child will be in survival mode. Because before he left, some of his trauma responses were already back. Once overnights began, we saw things we hadn’t seen in 12+ months. He began pocketing food again. The (adorable) cheesy grin he gave constantly upon arrival to get affection and attention was back, in full force. And while I love that face, I know it’s back at a cost. Because for over a year, he didn’t do it. When he needed attention, he didn’t have to put on that performance to get it.

And sweet baby? For over 10 months, literally from just a few hours old; she had known safety. After overnights, she’d come back with cat scratches all over her arms and a giant rats nest of snarls in her hair. It breaks my heart. One week into post reunification, I have no idea how either of the kids are truly fairing.

Our Family Update

It’s been rough. I won’t lie. This first week was incredibly difficult for everyone. While the older five kids can ‘understand’ the situation (as best as any of us truly can), that doesn’t make it ‘easy’. However, they’re handling things fairly well. Lucy asks daily if we can have the kids over for a visit… And my husband? He keeps to himself mainly. He’s voiced his frustration with a system that would put kids back into harms way as well as set everyone up to fail.

Me? I wouldn’t say I’m doing well… Most days are a struggle. I am emotionally exhausted. I’m mentally exhausted. It feels like I’m functioning in survival mode, and not really getting anywhere. I’ve cried, been angry, distraught, sad, and felt hopeless. I put on a smile and go through the motions but my mind is constantly wondering if the kids are safe, fed, and doing okay. I’ve been trying to be intentional about spending one-on-one time with each of the kids; be it a conversation, outing, playing a game, or whatever they want to do. It’s my way of trying to make sure they’re doing okay while also distracting myself from so many unknowns.

Ruby Is Struggling The Most

Ruby. This whole situation is hitting her the hardest. She had just turned two when our foster son entered our family 18 months ago. They are one year a part in age and quickly became best friends. These two did everything together. Every morning upon waking, they’d say ‘good morning’ to each other and start the day off with a hug.

And baby? Well, it’s her sister. She 100% feels like she lost a sibling. Ruby has cried every single day since the kids left. She’s been extremely clingy. She’ll randomly come up and ask me to hold her. She reaches out for hugs throughout the day. If someone leaves, or if I take her somewhere; she’ll cry for a sibling who is not along. She appears to be terrified of losing another brother or sister. We’ve been patient. We’re trying to help her through these emotions. But in a situation like this, I truly don’t know what to say to make her feel better. She’s struggling. Every day has been a hard day for her.

Changes For Ruby: We Are Starting Nature School

I’ve always been against sending my kids ‘away’ from me to go to school. (Personal decision and I don’t judge those who do so please don’t come at me. Full time homeschooling is just how we had decided to raise our family.) However, in light of everything and the challenges we’re facing; we’ve adjusted our perception.

Our oldest daughter Hannah is a teacher at a local nature school. So we have now enrolled Ruby one day a week at that school. She starts tomorrow! I feel this change could help her, especially since she’ll be in her big sister’s care for the entire time. (With the separation anxiety that’s become present, I would never send her off by herself at this point.) But she’s excited about the prospect of ‘going to school with Hannah’. And I’m hoping these new activities and friends she’ll make can help her transition through this period of losing the two foster kiddos.

**Keep an eye out for my next post where I’ll be sharing more details on this Nature School adventure.

If you’ve been through this, drop your advice or suggestions in the comments. How did you help your little ones grieve and adapt?

Feel free to drop any fostering/foster care questions as well and I’ll do my best to answer what I can.

While we don’t know if this period will be short or if the kids will be gone forever, this is our current one week post reunification foster care update.