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My Natural Miscarriage Story

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When I was in the midst of miscarrying Quinn, I found myself scouring the Internet to find out details of what natural miscarriage was like for other moms. There were a number of moms on forums talking about having a D&C but not too many articles about natural miscarriage at home. Because what I was able to find, I found helpful, I wanted to share my experience as well, in hopes that it can help another mom as she’s going through this heartbreaking experience. The following is my account of my miscarriage. Please be aware that it might be too graphic for some readers. Please also keep in mind that I’m not a doctor and this is not medical advice.

I’d like to note that while I was 12 weeks, plus 5 days when I passed my baby, I am unsure of the exact day my baby died, and therefore unsure of how long it took for me to pass the baby naturally.

Saturday

I was (supposed to be) 12 weeks along (exactly) when I had the first appointment with my midwife. She was not able to find a heartbeat with the doppler. Now, I’ve heard from others this can happen and isn’t necessarily a cause for concern, however, obviously it did concern me.

A few hours later, I went to the bathroom, wiped and found bloody mucus discharge on the toilet paper. After the missed heartbeat earlier in the day, I was now extremely worried. Our high insurance deductible would have required we pay completely out of pocket for an ER trip, so I decided to stay home, put myself on modified bed rest, and wait.

Sunday

Bleeding wasn’t bad at all. It would come and go, but wasn’t anything I would need a pad for. Sometimes I would go to the bathroom and there would be nothing, other times it would be a small wipe of blood. In fact, after reading online about subchorionic hemorrhage, I was feeling less fearful and hoping that was all it was.

Monday

Monday followed the same pattern as Sunday. I tried to stay off of my feet as much as possible and rest so that, if I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, it could work on healing. Monday evening I had a 20 minute episode of cramping. I lost it and began to cry, certain a miscarriage was happening, and then just as quickly as they had started, the cramps stopped. I went back to hoping my symptoms were just a subchorionic hemorrhage.

Tuesday

Again, Tuesday was much like Monday with the bleeding coming and going, but with a few blood clots now appearing, maybe 3 in total that day. Tuesday night as I went to bed I felt slightly cramping, but nothing even as bad as period cramps. That night/early Wednesday morning I woke up to the feeling of a larger blood clot coming out of me. I went into the bathroom and passed 2 good sized clots. They looked similiar to chicken livers. Then I went back to bed.

Wednesday

As Wednesday progressed, the bleeding picked up and I passed more and more blood clots during the day. By early afternoon it was pretty clear to me, although I did not want to admit it, that my hopes for a subchorionic hemorrhage were not accurate and I was indeed miscarrying. I was still not having any contractions and minimal if any cramping.

At about 3pm I went to the bathroom and passed a lot of clots. I’ve had 4 live, beautiful drug-free births and it was clear to me by the way I felt that my body was preparing to pass the baby soon. Sitting on the toilet was starting to feel uncomfortable for me and I yearned to get into a more relaxing position. I grabbed an older hand towel from our linen closet and sat down on it in our bathtub. First I sat in the tub on the towel without any water. Blood was dripping out of me at times like I was peeing it out (of course, that wasn’t the case, but it flowed freely in brief spurts).

After about 30 minutes I had bled through that hand towel and passed more clots. I turned the water on and messaged my husband (who was busy watching our 4 children) to bring me some juice. I knew I needed to keep sugars and fluids in my body. I also asked him to bring me some of my liquid iron supplement that I take regularly when I’m pregnant because I’m prone to anemia. I still remember warning him beforehand not to freak out because of all the blood. I knew he’d worry about me. And he did, his face showed so much worry every time he came into the bathroom for me.

My biggest concern was loss of too much blood. I’ve fainted in the past a few times and felt confident that I would be able to feel myself if I was getting close and kept my phone close to me in case that would happen.

At this point I decided to fill the tub up with water, knowing that warm water would help to relax me. I continued to pass blood and clots for about another 2 hours. I cramped mildly but it was never excruciating. I’ve heard that other moms have quite painful miscarriages but physically that wasn’t the case for me.  I did have mildly uncomfortable cramps, but nothing worse than a menstrual cramp. There were a number of people who knew I was miscarrying and praying for me during that time and I strongly believe that was a great help in easing my pain during this time. It also may have helped that I’ve had other babies so my body had essentially practiced this before.

As I mentioned, I’ve had 4 live births, so at some point I started to feel like the cramps were accompanied with a mild urge to push. This wasn’t like the deep, strong, can’t-stop-it urge to push that I’d felt with my other babies, but it was still there and I could sense the change. If you’re currently in the midst of a natural miscarriage and have never had a live birth before, the best thing I can say is just try to stay tuned into your body and how you are feeling. If in doubt, sitting on the toilet and peeing is probably the kind of pushing of those muscles that you’ll need to push it out, if it is in fact time.

Sitting in the tub was not a comfortable position for me to be in to push so I got out and sat on the toilet.  As I was peeing I felt something bigger coming out of me.  For me, it wasn’t painful. I looked down and had pushed out the placenta with, what I believe was the sac fully intact still inside of it.  It looked like a small ball protruding from a portion of the placenta. It was very clear that this was the placenta and not a large blood clot. It was firm and heavy comparatively.

As a blogger, I’m one who usually shares a lot of pictures but I’m sorry to tell you I don’t have a photo to share from my miscarriage. To be honest, I don’t want to remember my child that way and it felt wrong to me to display a photo like that. I’m not saying that it IS wrong if you choose to do so (in fact, I was grateful for the photos that other moms shared), it just wasn’t right for me in this moment and not a photo I want to share (or even took). I just couldn’t and I can’t explain why. I hope you understand that. I considered opening up the sac to see the baby inside but ultimately I decided not to for 2 reasons:

  1. I was afraid the image might haunt me for quite some time. Instead I’m able to picture Quinn in my mind, happy, healthy, and whole in heaven.
  2. To be honest, there is a small part of me that thinks the “what ifs” – like what if my Quinn wasn’t in that sac. What if I was wrong and flushed Quinn accidentally. If by some chance I was wrong, I’ll never know.

After passing the baby, physically I felt nearly instantly better. My body felt “free” in a way I can’t describe. It was such a sad thought and yet it was as if my body had relief that this horribly sad process was over. My bleeding also slowed way down after that. I may have passed 3 or 4 more clots over the next 24 hours, but had probably passed 20-30 clots during the 5 hours of active miscarriage plus a lot of additional blood.

Other Info/Tips to Share

Let me take a moment to say that there was a lot of blood during my miscarriage. My husband and I both felt like there was more blood during the miscarriage than there was during my live birth labors.  I found this article very helpful in talking about blood loss and what is common. There are also a number of pictures included on this site that will show you what miscarriage looked like for different people and at different gestation.

My husband and I were unsure of what to do with our baby. I have heard that if you call a local funeral home some will cremate the baby for you for free, if you are far enough along. I didn’t want that however and my husband and I settled on burying our baby at my grandparents’ property which will likely stay in the family quite some time, long after my grandfather has passed away.

I bled after my miscarriage for about 14 days. The first few days were period-like heavy, and then they tapered off. By the 5th day I’d say that the only reason I continued to wear a pad was “just in case” but I could go a full day with nothing on the pad, just only blood in the toilet. After about 2 weeks the red turned to brown and that continued for about another week.

For the first 24 hours after my miscarriage I felt pretty weak physically. I passed my baby around 7:30pm and after getting myself cleaned up I got ready for bed and stayed in bed the rest of the evening. The next day I took it easy and rested all day. I forced myself to eat whole foods because I knew my body needed nourishment to recoup, but I didn’t really feel like eating.

It’s been 3 weeks now and I still find myself tearing up at times. It’s okay to cry and to be sad, angry, etc.. Every woman is going to go through this process differently than the next. It’s okay to grieve in your own way.

If you are reading this article in the midst of a miscarriage, I just want to say that I am sincerely sorry for your loss. I reached out to a few friends who I knew had miscarried in the past during my miscarriage. They walked me through the process and were an invaluable support team during this time. If you have a friend who has suffered a miscarriage, I’d encourage you to reach out to her too, to help you through this time. I know that I would be more than happy to talk to any of my friends during a miscarriage and help them in any way I could. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.

Finally, because I’d like to be a resource for other moms who are going through a miscarriage, if you feel up for it, I would like to share your miscarriage story on my blog. My plan is to start a section just for pregnancy loss on my site, so that it can be helpful to other moms during this time. If you are interested in writing your story to be shared, please email me at thriftyniftymommy@yahoo.com. Thank you.

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Kayla

Wednesday 12th of May 2021

I just wanted to thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I found out almost two weeks ago that our baby didn’t have a heartbeat. I chose to wait it out and naturally miscarry, and almost immediately found your story. Things didn’t progress until last night, and I immediately pulled this up to reference. I am so thankful for your honesty and willingness to share so authentically.

monique s

Tuesday 16th of March 2021

Thank you for sharing and I am sure your story will help many others

Amanda

Sunday 31st of January 2021

First time I had a miscarriage was November 13th 2020. Did not know I was pregnant one night woke up around 2 AM I had cramps. Thought I had to take a poop real bad. I had diarrhea after I finished pooping the cramps went away so I went back to bed woke up again at 2:30 AM with cramps and sweating. So I went into the kitchen and got some Advil and took 3 of them and went to the bathroom because I felt like I was bleeding. I went straight to the toilet and I was Bleeding first thing I thought was I started my period and said to myself man this one is going to be a bad one. So I got in the shower the pain started to cramp more and more so I sat down in the shower while the hot water ran down my back after 30 min it seemed like the cramps kept getting stronger. Got out the shower sat back down on the toilet it seemed I could take the pain as long as I just stayed on the toilet biting my towel then suddenly something drops in the toilet felt like I took a dump out of vagina and the pain stopped for a little bit then it started cramping again 3 hrs on the toilet another dropping dropped after the last little bit came out it was like relief the pain went away. So I stood up it look like a size of a quarter of blood clots so I did not think nothing to it the next day my stomach was sore never felt that before so I made a appointment at the health clinic. They told me to wait till I stopped bleeding and come in November 27th went for my check up and told the doc what I was feeling so she took a look and all she saw was dried blood in my uterus but no signs of tissue so she told me that I should do a pregnancy test just to make sure. I did and she came back and said it was negative so I was like wow ok so this was one bad period like I thought I go back to work 20 mins from leaving the health clinic the doctor called me back to say she looked at the test. When I left and it showed that I was pregnant so she asked if I could come back to do blood and to do a ultrasound because my stomach was sore when she put pressure on it after ultrasound she said there was nothing in wound that everything past through naturally. She was sorry for my lost that I did have a miscarriage after leaving all I could think of is wow was it my fault after a couple days the hormones past and I was feeling better and back to myself. Jan comes around and I had not had a period since my last visit from the doctor so I go buy a pregnancy test and take it home and it showed I was pregnant. I went to show my husband the results that I was pregnant again so I make another appointment at the Health clinic for pregnancy test on January 6 2021. We went to my appointment the nurse came in asked me when was my last period I told her since the last time I came in on November 27th 2020 and found out I had a miscarriage instead of a Period. Then the nurse ask me to take a pee test after that I did a pee test to see if I was pregnant then the nurse came back in the room and gave me a booklet and said congratulations your pregnant. She said undress and put the blue sheet over legs and the doctor will be in shortly so the doctor comes in and congratulates me and then checks my uterus she was like yeah you have a little bean in you then she ask me the same thing what the nurse asked me I told her she was the last doctor. I had back in November and then she said she recognized me and that I was 5 weeks and 4 days pregnant I was so excited after that I did some blood work and she told I’ll see you In 2 weeks just before you leave make another appointment at the front desk I get to the front desk making a appointment for my first ultrasound. The receptionist told me my doctor was not available on the dates she gave me and asked if another Doctor was ok said yes that’s fine had it scheduled for January 27th 2021 ultrasound. Then receptionist told me also no Guests allowed so my husband would not be able to come in to the ultrasound and that he would have to stay in the car I could FaceTime him during the ultrasound. My husband was upset that he could not come in during the ultrasound she went own to say they past a law no Guest allowed in December 2020 because of Covid-19. That made me instantly sad and mad that we would not be able to share that together so I left the clinic and waited for my next appointment started to tell friends and family that I was pregnant every body congrats to me and my husband we was excited days past I’m making plans looking up videos about pregnancy and what not to eat. I wanted to do this one right days past I’m really feeling the hormones one min I was sad and wanted cry listening to a song and one minute I was Happy one minute I was angry lol did not know what to think it felt like I was crazy. Then January 27th 2021 came around I was so excited to do the ultrasound me and my husband left work to go to the ultrasound he stayed in the car when I went in and I told him I’ll FaceTime you so I go in get checked in and sat in the waiting room when I was sitting in the waiting room I saw husband and wife’s waiting room I was like what why was I told no guest so the woman comes out says my name then I asked her why can I have a guest. She said they changed the law again that they are now letting the fathers to come in for the ultrasound and she asked me if my husband was in the car and I was like yes at this point I’m FaceTime telling my husband to come in that she will meet him at the elevator and walk him to the room. At this point I’m excited that he can be right beside me he sits down I spread my legs and she put the The wound we both immediately see the baby and we are happy then she says oh no and I start to panic and says their is no heartbeat and it looks like I’m 10 weeks pregnant the way the Measurements were of the baby that my dates where wrong. I started to tear up and she said I think you lost the baby and tells me She is going to give me some wipes to clean up and to get dressed to speak to the doctor and walk out so I could get dressed. I was I wiping my self and crying hard at the same time and my husband held for a sec and said it’s going to be ok so I completed getting dressed and stood up to wipe my tears to walk out the ultrasound room then we go to another room. While I’m walking out the ultrasound lady asked me if I would like to keep the picture I was so angry and very motional and told her no and went to the other room to wait a nurse came in I was crying really hard and she started to check my blood pressure the first time was high so I took a deep breath and calmed down so she could take my blood pressure again then she said that’s better. I immediately started to cry again and she turned around sad the female doctor will be in here shortly instead a male doctor comes in and Introduces him self to my husband and I he tells me he looked at my ultrasound and it looks like the baby has past away that it was not my fault that miscarriage happeneds a lot more then what people think and gave me a Tissue to dry my tears. after that he gave me three options I could get a D&C, the pill to help the process or do it natural I started asked questions he said I should go home think do some research about it and get back to me to make the appointment for the D&C at this point everything was going through one ear and out the other and he leaves the room saying sorry for you lose I get up wipe my tears off my face and my husband and I leave the first thing I wanted was a drink so we go to a Mexican restraint and order two margaritas and some food I took to bites of my food and chugged my margaritas as I was setting their all I can think about is I have our dead baby in my stomach we go home after leaving the restaurant and I start to cry really hard with a guilt feel just thinking was this my fault got in the bath cried my eyes out then got out of the shower and laid down on the couch cried more till I past out the next day I called the clinic to make a appointment for the D&C my appointment was scheduled to be at on the Jan 29th 2021 so the next day my husband takes me to my appointment walks in with me we check and set in the waiting room the receptionist calls my name and takes me to the desk finalizing paperwork she asked me if I consent to the surgery I said yes then she asked me how would I like to pay I then ask her how is the surgery she say $5,000 I was like wow with my insurance then she said they might have not ran my insurance through yet I was like can we see first how it’s going to be before I consent then she started to look into it the surgery all together was $9,000 so to find out the insurance only pays $4,000 I’m already nervous so I just canceled it and told her I’ll call the doctor back to see if I can go another way that’s just outrageous to pay that then my husband and I leave go home I call the clinic back to see if I can talk to the doctor the receptionist then said she will give my note to the doctor and I should receive a call in the afternoon never received a call today is January 31 2021 so I decided just to do it naturally I have not started bleeding a little cramping and headaches.

A

Wednesday 7th of October 2020

I had a positive pregnancy test october 1st then 5 days later i started spotting and cramping really bad then soon after i started bleeding more and more and then i went to the doctors yesterday and they did a urine test and it was negative so they took blood too because they were sure its a miscarriage and im still currently bleeding and cramping on and off it’s the 3rd day and it would’ve been my first child at 8 weeks and 3 days and i dont know what to expect im letting it pass naturally at home

Emily

Wednesday 5th of February 2020

First let me say all of you women are so strong and brave never in a million years i thought i would have a miscarriage i went in for my first ultrasound at 6 weeks no heartbeat because they said it was too early went again a week later still no heartbeat i had another appointment 2 weeks later but in my gut i knew. The baby was gone i just knew it so the week of my appointment i start having cramping and spotting later that day it got worse went to the ER did a pelvic exam my cervix was closed did an ultrasound no yolk sac or fetal pole at that point i knew my body was in the process of a miscarriage went home went to bed still in pain woke in the middle of night in horrible pain went to the toilet passed a huge clot 30 seconds later the pain hit me again the contractions got worse and worse i just knew i was going to die i had a full term and all natural birth with my son so i could bear the pain but this was way intense and more painful i went to bedroom told my bf i think the miscarriage has started i think it’s in the toilet i can’t look i can’t flush it so he did i spent 5 hours in pain shaking trembling screaming moaning passing more and more clots eventually my body just relaxed and it stopped i fell asleep woke up covered in blood sat on the toilet and i passed my placenta i knew it was the placenta bc if the shape and how heavy it was my body was relieved but my mind wasn’t i was so sad in shock everytime i sat on that toilet i would jjst cry and be in dis belief but i couldn’t belief i kept talking to God and praying .im so thankful i had my boyfriend with me because i wouldn’t have made it now that the miscarriage is over it’s what’s now??ladies we are sooooo strong it’s amazing what our bodies can naturally do you’re not alone you never are you can get through this we can I’m so grateful i found this blog

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