Well, it finally happened. As a mom pregnant with her 5th (technically 6th counting my miscarriage) baby, I figured we’d manage to get a few negative comments here or there. But earlier this week, someone said a phrase to me that literally makes my blood boil. They asked me if I was “going to get fixed after this one.”
Fixed – as if I’m some kind of animal.
Fixed – as if my body is broken.
Fixed – as if I don’t WANT this baby.
Fixed – as if having another baby after this baby would be a horrible thing.
Fixed – as if motherhood is a drawback.
Look, I have nothing wrong with women or men who decide they’d like to take permanent measures so they won’t have any more children. However, this word fixed, when referring to ending someone’s reproductive abilities, it really needs to stop. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard someone use this phrase and sadly I’m sure it won’t be the last, but please, I beg you, if you use this phrase, please STOP. Scrub it from your vocabulary. It’s disgusting, degrading, and just downright revolting.
I don’t care who you are or how many children YOU feel is appropriate for one mother/father to have, but frankly, the number of children someone has is only the business of the mother and father. If you don’t have something nice to say, then keep it to yourself.
I LOVE being a mom! I love my children! I love every aspect of motherhood!
There – I just needed to shout that out into the universe!
I thank God every day that my body has given me the ability to grow and give birth to these beautiful, wonderful, precious children. There is nothing broken about my body.
I’m not sure at what point we, as a society, started to view children as a burden to their parents, but I find it so very sad. What a joy my children are, each and every day. Yes, even on those days when I’ve barely gotten any sleep or they are vomiting all over my house. Even earlier this month when my daughter cracked the screen on my (fairly expensive) laptop that I use every day. Even as we continue to pay off a hospital bill for my son’s broken arm that required surgery. My children are my greatest blessing, no matter how much time or money I need to invest in them. They are not a drawback!
My life would not be “fixed” to no longer have my children in it! In fact, quite the opposite. I would be broken without them.
This baby is no less loved or desired than our 1st born or any of her other siblings. Motherhood is not a drawback. It’s the best gift I’ve ever been given – each and every time!
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I told her that no, I wouldn’t be having any surgeries after this baby was born because things seemed to be working just fine!
Linda Manns Linneman
Sunday 27th of May 2018
Children are a blessing from God. They are so special and important, each and every one of them. I agree that our society is not thinking right on this. We need to love and nurture our children as best we can and treat them like they are so very special, which they are. I am so proud of you. What a great family. Thank you so much for this great article. I am looking forward to hear the announcement of this new blessing. God Bless you always
RK
Friday 2nd of March 2018
A teacher of mine related a story that when he and his wife took their kids and some nephews/nieces on an outing (numbering in the double digits but I don't remember exactly how many), a woman took one look and said, "Haven't you ever heard of birth control?". This teacher, who is perhaps a little less inhibited/sensitive than you, quipped back, "Yeah, your parents should have used it before they had you!".
(Not my style, but I definitely think of this story frequently when getting comments about my growing family.)
Janessa
Friday 2nd of March 2018
LOL, that's hilarious! Sometimes a rude comment like that desires a reply like he gave!
Julie Shoup
Wednesday 28th of February 2018
Might I suggest a new word to replace the word fixed in people's vocabulary. How about altered? It seems a kinder less blunt word. Do you wish to get altered? Hum maybe it works maybe it doesn't but I like it's sound a lot better then fixed. We fix dogs...not humans.
Leela
Wednesday 28th of February 2018
People can be such jerks when it comes to pregnancy and children. I've got eight and have heard it all. Children are a blessing, enjoy your pregnancy :)
Jessica Lodge
Wednesday 28th of February 2018
So I am the person that asks personal questions and has minimal filter(what can I say I'm a New Yorker) and even I find this question inappropriate. I got my tubes tied this year after 5 kids and 2 miscarriages. It was the hardest decision to make. During the process the doctor kept calling it sterilization, which I know is what it is but I was like can we stop referring to it as that. I agree with you getting fixed is a horrible term. I've actually never heard anyone say that in reference to a human. Also as the inappropriate question asker if someone were truly inclined to know what your future holds why wouldn't they just say "are you planning to have more?" At least that way there is no negative spin on it.