So many of you had such kind words of encouragement and condolences to offer when I suffered my most recent miscarriage that I thought I should come back and give you all an update on how I’m doing.
December 28th marked 3 months since Amara was born. It took 9 weeks and 6 excruciating LONG days for my cycle to return. If you’ve ever had a D&C you probably know that it comes with risks of developing scar tissue that could potentially cause infertility in the future.
I’m ashamed to say how many hours I spent googling “Asherman’s syndrome” and stressing over complications from it.
I second-guessed my decision to induce and wondered if I should have tried to wait it out at home.
I truly spiraled and it wasn’t good.
I’m sharing this in case there are other women reading this post who have had a D&C and it takes a lot longer than that 4-6 weeks you’ll be told it takes to return. Try not to stress.
As the days and weeks ticked by after the D&C I grew more and more concerned. At about 8 weeks I called my doctor’s office and scheduled a follow-up appointment.
I have truly never been so happy in all my life for my period. I was so happy I cried tears of joy!
Of course, I had just driven 2.5 hours with my kids to visit my mom for a few days and hadn’t brought any supplies with me, so I had to drive to a Family Dollar and pick up some things, but I didn’t care. I was just SO relieved.
For the most part I’m doing okay emotionally. There were a few moments over the Christmas holiday when I felt sad. I broke down once talking to my husband one evening because every time I walked past our stockings hung I was sad because we didn’t get to hang the baby’s stocking that I had gotten.
He was so kind and loving and told me I should seek him out more often when I needed to cry. He’s so good to me and I know he worries about me trying to be tough through all of this.
Sometimes I would find myself thinking about how I should feel her kicking now and how nice that would be at Christmas.
I kept hoping I would be pregnant by Christmas and that would be a great Christmas present for me, but that wasn’t meant to be.
Zellene finally let me clear the baby girl clothes back out of her room to make room for her new Christmas presents. That was a tough moment too but needed to be done. We put them in a bin and put it in the garage. I’m not ready to get rid of them yet. I hope we still have the need for them in the future.
I’m not currently pregnant but having the hope that I may one day still get that double rainbow baby is a relief!
In the meantime, I’m throwing myself into doing the things that I’m not always able to do when I’m pregnant or have a young baby. Matthias is old enough now and no longer breastfeeding that I can leave him with his siblings and my mother-in-law and go DO things, so that’s been nice.
Orin and I were able to take Gideon to Hershey’s Chocolate World for his birthday, just us, and that was a lot of fun!
I’m also not dealing with pregnancy or new baby exhaustion, so I’ve been able to blog more and stay up later to spend time with my kids and Orin.
I’m trying to find the bright side of things when I can!
Something I’ve noticed after each miscarriage (I’ve had 4 total now) is that my body gains weight for that pregnancy and then it doesn’t lose it when I’m no longer pregnant, like it does after a live birth.
With each baby I have lost, I’ve added 5-10 pounds to my baseline. I would really like to try to lose some of the extra weight I put on, so now that the holidays are over I intend to focus on eating healthier.
I talked to a friend about some basic concepts of Weight Watchers. Here’s hoping that helps!
Over the years I have had people thank me for sharing about my miscarriage because it helped them, so I intend to type up Amara’s story too. Hopefully I’ll have a chance to write that soon.
Thanks again for all of your prayers and condolences. Your support means so much to me!